You have to keep your wits about you if you want to get a seat anywhere close to your loved ones on EastJet:

1. Make sure you get to the departure gate as quickly as possible, so you can get through passport and ticket checks first and get a seat in the gate lounge, nearest to the boarding tunnel doors. You can cut the queue and barge people out the way to achieve this goal (If you are particularly arrogant, then this will be second nature).

2. As you’ve made it to the front of the boarding lounge, you’re now in a prime position to be first in the queue when they start the boarding process. They will try and call passengers in groups depending on what letter you have on your ticket, but ignore that - they don’t really mean it. As long as you’re first in the queue, that’s all that matters.

3. If your first attempt to board fails (possibly because you had the initiative to queue before your boarding group was called), you must (and I repeat MUST) make sure it’s as difficult as possible for others who are going on before you to get past by remaining in the queue. This helps if other like minded individuals are standing in a large group in the same vicinity as you. To make this tactic as effective as possible, feign ignorance and bend the truth slightly by claiming your group was already called, and it’s a stupid system and you won’t be flying with the airline ever again.

4. Once you get on the aircraft, make sure it’s as difficult as possible for others to get past you in the aisle by taking an inordinate amount of time to put your oversized hand luggage in the overhead compartment. It helps if you have kids or awkward items like ski poles, cellos etc…, as it gives you even more ammunition to cause mayhem (with the added bonus of perhaps putting someone’s eye out).